With you to hold my hand
by NancyMay
Summary: Another Frank and Alice story that got a bit out of hand. Set after the end of 'There's a new world somewhere' and 'Pulled' It reveals more of Alice's family life and the strained relationship between her and her mother.
1. Chapter 1

'Dear Albie' she wrote

'Note the change of address.' Alice was finding this letter hard to write. Her letters to her brother had hardly been chatty, more informative and, she had to admit, lacking in warmth. Since she had married Frank it had become easier to show her emotions. Sympathy came a lot easier, she allowed her gentler side to show, especially with the young. This letter was still hard to write. She had not told Albie she was involved with anyone, not that she was engaged or that she had accepted a proposal of marriage. She and Frank had found a small, three bed-roomed house to buy. It was close to the Blake's, had a small garden and so they had determined it would be just right. Room for the occasional guest should that be required, or when Bobby and Jenny were old enough to stay if Jean and Lucien wanted to go out for the evening. While it was still possible for Alice to bear a child they had not considered they would need a nursery. She needed to let Albie know where to send his infrequent letters, where to find her if it was urgent.

'You will be surprised to hear I am now married. My new name is Alice Carlyle. My husband, Frank, is a Police Superintendant here in Ballarat. We have a home near some friends who have also made me godmother to their son. I am going to continue working as a Pathology Registrar. Please pass on my regards to mother,

Your sister

Alice'

She looked at the letter. It was cold, but what could she say, all she wanted to do was make sure her brother could contact her if necessary. She had little to say to her mother, knowing she had disappointed her. She still believed she had done the right thing, she had not felt it was for her, marriage, children, dinner parties; she was too inquiring, too bookish, oh, it had all been so confrontational; and so she had walked out of the family home, never, she thought, to return. Now, to her great surprise, she was married, she was in love and she was loved.

Alice posted the all too brief letter. She wished she could make it more loving, more of what a sister should write to her brother, but she didn't know how. They weren't close, she hadn't spoken to her mother in years, all that passed between them were 'regards', no 'love'. She began to regret the distant relationship.

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The reply arrived a week later. Alice knew it was from her brother, just from the handwriting on the envelope. She put it aside to read after work. Frank noticed it on the table as he and his wife ate breakfast, but decided to ignore it. He knew relations were strained between her and her family and it had been hard to write to let them know she had moved and was now married.

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'I suppose I'd better let my brother know I've changed address,' she had said, one morning after they had moved.

'Have you let them know you're married?' he'd asked.

'They wouldn't be interested,' she'd sighed.

'I thought that's what your mother wanted,' Frank had pulled her into an embrace, it was all so sad.

'Only when I was eighteen and able to provide several grandchildren.' Alice muttered, she had hoped the past could stay in the past, not rear its ugly head now.

'I'm sure they'll be happy for you.' He kissed her cheek.

Alice had given him a look that said 'Don't bet on it.' But, she had written.

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'Dear Alice,' Albie had written,

'Firstly, thank you for letting me know your new address and secondly, congratulations, from me, on your marriage. I hope you're happy. I have told mother your news, and she has asked if you both would come for a visit. I hope you will come, so we could at least meet your husband once. Mother is her usual self, quite well but not as active as she once was.

Hoping to see you soon,

Albie.'

Alice was happy to receive congratulations from her brother, but noted that they were from him and not from her mother as well. She showed Frank the letter and he asked,

'Shall we take a break in Sydney? We haven't had much of a holiday recently. We could go on somewhere else afterwards.'

She wriggled closer to him on the couch, she would rather close the door and stay where she was for a week, rather than go off for uncomfortable meetings with family.

'We could, I suppose,' she whispered. 'What are you thinking? I don't want to spend too much time with mother.' He looked at her sadly. He wished he still had a mother or father to see, and she was doing her best to avoid hers.

'Well, if we go to Sydney and see your mother, we could take a flight to Europe afterwards. We never had a proper honeymoon, after all.' He grinned.

She thought for a moment and then said, 'Can we go to England?'

Frank looked surprised at her request, 'Any reason?'

'Well, my grandfather; dad's dad; was from England, the Lake District, I believe. Granddad always said it was the most beautiful part of England. I'd like to see it.'

'Were you close?' He had a feeling this was probably the love she missed most.

'Very. ' She smiled, remembering the times they had spent together, walking, talking, reading, singing; she could still hear his lovely rich baritone. She moved over to the sideboard and searched in a drawer, finally bringing a photograph over. 'This is one of the few pictures I kept when I left home; that's me at about eight with granddad.'

The picture showed a pretty little girl with dark curls and a bright, happy face. She was sitting on the knee of an elderly man, weather beaten face beaming down at the child with obvious love.

'Then England and the Lake District it is,' he kissed her lovingly.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxAnd so they stood on the doorstep of Alice's childhood home. Albie had insisted they stay at the house and no matter what Alice said over the phone, he would not be dissuaded. Alice said she'd rather stand in front of Bill Hobart, naked! Frank had laughed at this and said he'd arrange it if she thought it necessary! At which she'd finally relented and laughed with him. With Frank by her side she felt she could handle whatever her mother threw at her.

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The door opened to their knock and Albie stood there. He was taller than Alice remembered, but then he had only been twelve when she left for university. He stepped forward and held out his arms to her. He remembered when she left she had looked stubborn, resolute; now she looked poised, smart and happy, happier than he remembered her.

Alice stepped forward and suddenly she was enveloped in a warmth she had not felt from her family for many years. She suddenly wondered why they couldn't have this closeness in their letters, it was something she would have to remedy.

'I'm sorry,' she whispered, in his ear, 'I've not been a very good big sister, have I?' Pulling away she turned and indicated Frank standing a little apart from them, 'This is my husband, Frank.'

Albie reached out his hand and greeted Frank cheerfully, this man made his sister happy, and that was all he needed to know. 'Pleased to meet you,' he said.

'Has mother said anything?' Alice asked when they were inside the house.

'Not much,' Albie looked rueful, 'I think she's pleased, but to be honest I can't tell. It was her idea that you should come and stay, though.'

'Probably wants to inspect me, see if I'm suitable to be her son-in-law,' Frank could see that Alice was not looking forward to seeing her mother and was trying to inject some humour into the situation.

Albie smiled, he rather liked his brother-in-law, 'Oh, she'll tell you, there's no doubt about that. Mother speaks her mind.'

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Mrs Harvey was sitting, rather grandly, in an armchair by the fire in the living room. Frank took a minute to study her. She was nothing like Alice. Mrs Harvey was not particularly tall, he could tell even though she was sitting, thin with a pinched face. She pursed her lips as she looked up at the couple. She tilted her head, an indication to Alice that she should kiss her cheek. Alice couldn't remember the last time she had kissed her mother but did as she was bid.

'This is Frank, mother, my husband.' She held out her hand to bring her husband forward and was grateful to feel his warm had against hers.

'Pleased to meet you, Mrs Harvey,' Frank help out his hand to the woman, smiling as he did so.

'Hmm,' she didn't return the smile but did take his hand which he gallantly kissed the back of. His old fashioned chivalry pleased her. Alice knew he had picked it up from Lucien for whom it was a habit and she was grateful, her mother set a lot of store by such things.

'Well, sit down,' she pointed to the sofa, 'Albert,' she always used his given name, 'tea for our guests.'

'Yes, mother,' Albie turned,

'Would you like some help, Albie,' Alice volunteered.

'Alice, you were always a disaster in the kitchen,' Mrs Harvey sniffed.

'Really, 'Frank raised his eyebrows and smiled a little smile, 'please, enlighten me, Mrs Harvey.'

Alice gave him a warning look and followed her brother into the kitchen.

'You look happy, Alice,' Albie said as he set the kettle on the hob, 'and I think Frank has mother sussed.' And he grinned.

'I _am_ happy, Albie, very,' Alice was beginning to relax, certainly Frank seemed to be coping, but she wondered when the acerbic tone she so vividly remembered would reappear, especially over the fact that she was going to continue as Pathology Registrar.

Alice laid the tray with the cups, saucers, milk and sugar. She wanted to really apologise to Albie for being, well, for being her.

'Albie,' she touched his arm as he stood waiting for the kettle to boil, 'I _am_ sorry. I was angry when I left, I couldn't see myself as the little woman at home with a tribe of children running around. I know it doesn't change how I acted, but I am sorry, nevertheless.'

'Alice, I'm just glad we kept in touch. Our letters, well I suppose they were just written out of the initial frustration you felt at mother. And me, I was never good at letter writing, anyway. I am proud of my big sister, all you have achieved, it couldn't have been easy, as a woman, and now here you are, a Pathology Registrar and married too! Don't let her upset you, I'm sure Frank will keep her quiet.' Albie made the tea and they took the tray into the lounge.

'Ah, there you are, I thought you'd gone to China to fetch the tea.' Mrs Harvey's barbed comment immediately irritated Alice.

'It's India, mother, this is tea from India.' She couldn't stop herself from correcting her.

'Nobody likes a clever clogs, miss.' Her mother went right back to treating Alice as she had done when she was getting good grades at school, better than the boys.

'I do!' Laughed Frank, 'That's why I married her.'

Alice and Albie couldn't help it; they both burst out laughing and Alice realised that nothing her mother said was going to make one iota of difference, Frank was going to have an answer for every cutting remark she made. Mrs Harvey looked daggers at Frank for an instant, but then her expression softened a little. She wasn't used to being contradicted, but something in the way Frank did so made her take a back step.

'Well, even so,' she continued 'Alice can be rather too big for her boots.' Frank looked at first his mother-in-law and then at his wife,

'My first wife was independent, bright and inquiring, Alice is more than I could have hoped to find again in a wife. I like someone I can discuss the issues of the day with, the cases we deal with, and understand the world. You have underestimated your daughter, Mrs Harvey, but I hope I haven't and I hope she knows just how much I love her, for the person she is.' Frank sat back on the sofa. He had never said much about his first wife, but now it seemed appropriate he should mention her.

Alice could not believe what she was hearing, Frank had just effectively told her mother to stop belittling her and to love her for who she was. She moved over to be closer to him on the sofa and he put his arm around her, kissing her softly on the lips. Unusually for her she wasn't embarrassed.

Mrs Harvey sat open mouthed, she had been put in her place by her son-in-law and she wasn't sure how to take it.

'I didn't know you had been married before,' was all she could grip on to.

'My first wife died three years ago, we had no children, and I was glad of the transfer to Ballarat. It was a fresh start for me, and the bonus was finding Alice, I feel so lucky, she is everything to me.' Frank looked a little embarrassed at his declaration, he had never said as much to Alice, hoping she felt it.

Alice was astounded, all she could do was look at him, open mouthed at his words.

'Dinner, Albert,' Mrs Harvey broke the tension, 'What have you decided on.'

'Don't bother, Albie,' Frank interjected, 'Alice and I would like to take you both out to dinner, we have made provisional reservations at The Metropole, please, it would be our treat.'

Alice looked at Albie, she pleaded with her eyes, a dinner on neutral ground would stop the barbed comments she knew would come if they stayed at home.

'That's very generous of you, Frank,' Albie said, knowing full well what Alice meant with that look, he looked at his mother and made the decision, 'we'd love to join you, wouldn't we mother?' He emphasised the last three words, daring for him, and daring her to reject the idea.

'Most kind,' was all she could say.

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The dinner at the restaurant went quite well. The food was good, Alice and Albie caught up on all the news, filling in the gaps for Frank and drawing, or trying to, Mrs Harvey into the conversation. She remained reserved and watched the interplay between her daughter, son and son-in-law. Frank made it his business to see that his new mother-in-law never had an empty glass, although he did not overdo it. Alice at one point had put her hand on his arm to indicate she didn't want her mother carried out, the worse for drink. Alice made sure her mother did not see her drink more than one or one and a half glasses of wine, she was not going to be told she did anything to excess. Alice was again on her guard and Frank knew it. He watched her, touched her knee under the table to let her know he was aware, at one point running his hand a little higher under her skirt than was respectful! Alice jumped, and instantly hid it in a hiccup, giving Frank a raised eyebrow, he smirked in return.

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They strolled back to the house, Frank linked arms with his wife and offered his other arm to Mrs Harvey, but she declined and slipped her arm through the one Albie offered her. As they neared the house Frank slipped his arm round Alice's waist and she leant her head against his shoulder, he kissed the top of her head and hugged her a little tighter.

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'Tea, I think Albert.' Mrs Harvey instructed as they entered the house.

'Actually, mother, I'm rather tired, all the travelling...' Alice stifled a 'yawn'.

'You're quite right, darling,' Frank agreed, 'it's been quite a day.'

Alice went to kiss her mother goodnight and Frank again took her hand and kissed it.

'Goodnight, Mrs Harvey.' He smiled and followed his wife up the stairs to the room she had inhabited as a child. Albie had apologised for giving them the room. The bed was a small double, but at least it wasn't a single. Alice and Frank didn't mind, it would do for the two nights they were staying.

As they lay in bed Alice cuddled close to her husband, he could see she was tired, but not, he thought from the travelling. He tipped her face to his and kissed her gently on the lips. She smiled and returned the kiss, letting him deepen the connection. At first she balked at the idea of making love so close to her mother, but he was so loving, she couldn't help but give in to him; she just hoped the bed didn't squeak!

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Alice stirred as the sun streamed through the curtains. Frank's arms automatically tightened round her. He had been awake a little longer but had spent the time watching her sleep and he didn't want to break the spell. This was his favourite time of the day, before they had to give way to the cares, the worries and sometimes the anger that went with their professions. He liked the way she stretched against his body, running her feet down his legs and sighing deeply. He would like to bottle this so he could open the feeling whenever things got tough.

'G'morning,' she whispered, kissing his cheek.

He kissed her in reply and looked at her lovingly.

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Alice got up and washed and dressed ready to face the day. She went downstairs and entered the kitchen. Albie was there, making tea, frying bacon and eggs, she stood at the doorway watching him. It was a bit like watching Jean, quiet before the storm.

'Can I do anything?' Her voice made him jump.

'I didn't know you were up,' he grinned, 'you could lay the table.'

'Mother still in bed?' She inquired.

'Yes, she rises late, about nine.' Albie filled the teapot and placed it on the table.

'Can't remember the last time we stayed in bed that late,' a voice from the doorway, Frank, leaning against the frame and smiling as he watched his wife mend the break in her relationship with her brother. Alice coloured a little, she could! But she wasn't going to enlighten Albie.

They chatted, easily, as they ate. Albie told how Alice's name was not spoken for a long time after she left. Albie had kept her letters a secret until he felt brave enough to tell his mother they wrote. Mrs Harvey had not been pleased but had decided to ignore the contact and had listened when Albie had told her the news, scant though it was. The other two brothers had left as soon as they could, Davey had gone to Adelaide and joined the army, Joseph, the baby of the family, had Alice's stubborn nature and had gone to university and was now a teacher in a Reform School, in, of all places, Ballarat! Alice spluttered at this news, Joseph had been eight when Alice had gone away, she had no idea he was so close. How had she missed him? Alice and Frank wondered why Albie could spend so much time looking after mother. Albie had never told her that when he worked in the docks he had been injured in an accident. A crane had dropped its load of steel and it had sent Albie flying into a container. His back had been damaged, ribs shattered, he would never work again. An insurance claim, hard won, had ensured he did not need to work, and he would be able to live, albeit frugally. He did not show any sign of disability, but he admitted he was in constant pain, and he also was a disappointment to his mother.

'Albie,' Alice's voice was soft and tender, 'why didn't you tell me? You know I'm a doctor. I didn't always deal with the dead, you know.' She squeezed his hand.

'I was told there was nothing they could do. I suppose I just accepted it.' He gave a wan smile and patted her hand.

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'Am I interrupting something?' The voice was strident, Mrs Harvey had risen. Frank rose from his seat,

'Good morning, mother-in-law,' he grinned, taking her hand in his and squeezing it gently. 'I hope you slept well.'

'Hmm,' she was finding the relaxed atmosphere a little disconcerting. She no longer felt as much in control as she usually did. She moved to her seat at the table and Alice poured her some tea. Albie placed a plate of bacon and eggs in front of her. Breakfast continued almost silently, apart from requests for toast, or more tea.

'After breakfast,' Mrs Harvey broke the silence, 'I'd like to see you alone, Alice, in the living room.' Her tone said there would be no argument, Alice just nodded.

Finishing her food, Mrs Harvey rose from her seat and with a:

'When you're ready, miss,' she went out of the room.

'What have I done now?' She asked the two men, placing her hands palms up on the table.

They moved to either side of her and squeezed her shoulders, 'You know mother,' sighed Albie, 'she'll have some bone to pick with you, she could have an argument in an empty room.' Albie was finding it so much easier to open up to Alice, even in front of her husband, about how things were with their mother and him. Alice gave a sad smile and went to see what on earth her mother could want. She had hoped that with her marriage and successful career, her mother could at least let bygones be bygones.

Her mother was sitting in her customary chair by the fire. Alice stood in front of her, feeling something like the way she did when she had openly defied her mother and headed off for university. She clasped her hands behind her back, unlike all those years ago when she had chewed her nails nervously.

'Well, miss,' her mother began, 'you seem to have made a reasonable life for yourself, after all.' Alice still couldn't relax. Her mother continued, 'I expected you to come crawling back within the week. You left me with three young boys to bring up on my own.'

'You are their mother,' Alice interrupted, 'my friend raised her two boys after her husband was killed in Malaya, she also had to keep the family farm going before finding work as a housekeeper. You were relatively lucky, dad did at least provide you with an income after he left.'

'That's as maybe, I still expected you to stay and help. Then make a good marriage and bring up your own family.'

'Mother,' Alice was getting just a tad annoyed, 'I was never going to be the homemaker, I'm sorry, I would have felt stifled. And I know you wanted me to stay nearby so I could look after you in later years.'

'Too much like your father, headstrong, wilful. So I suppose I can't rely on you to look after me if something happens to Albert, you know he's not in the best of health.' She had a whine to her voice that Alice had not noticed before, probably because they had stand up rows when she was younger.

'You will always be taken care of, you are my mother after all, but no, I am not going to give up everything to look after you. You will be welcome in our home, and if necessary I will make arrangements for professional care should you need it.' Alice turned on her heels and strode out of the room, head held high. As she rounded the corner into the hall Frank and Albie were standing there. They had huge grins on their faces, they had obviously been listening. Frank held out his arms and pulled her into his chest. She hung onto him, she felt she had won the first ever battle with her mother, but she just felt dreadfully sad that even now she could not make peace with her.

Albie left them and went into the living room. His mother was sitting as ever, grim faced and straight backed.

'Well, mother,' Albie stood directly in front of her, he was filled with renewed courage, 'what did you expect? Alice has done well, she has a husband, she is respected in her profession and she has friends. Don't you think it is about time you forgave her? We've survived, quite well really, and I for one intend to strengthen our bond; because we have one, a brother sister bond that has never broken no matter how hard you tried.'

'Albert...,' Mrs Harvey tried to find the words she wanted to say, but, strangely for her she couldn't, because she didn't want to admit she was wrong.

Albie left her, staring open mouthed at her son's rebellion, and went into the kitchen where he found his sister and her husband in a rather passionate embrace! He coughed politely, and smiled.

'Tea, anyone?' was all he could say.

Alice and Frank first grinned, and then laughed, long and loud. And then Alice went to hug her brother, tighter than she ever had before, proud of the man he had become in the hours since she had arrived. After her 'interview' with her mother she had resolved to ask Frank to find them a hotel for the remaining stay in Sydney, but now she felt she could manage another twenty-four hours at the house.

'So, what now?' asked Albie as they sat round the kitchen table drinking tea.

'The invitation to come and stay stands, for both of you,' replied Frank. 'Perhaps if your mother sees our life first hand she might start to accept Alice's choices and understand her a little better.'

'It would be lovely to spend some time away from here,' he sighed, 'but, if I can't get her to come how can I leave her?'

'I've offered to get her professional support, it's up to her.' Alice answered sharply, 'But, really, Albie, we have the room and she would be well looked after if she came, even for a short holiday.'

'We're going to England for a couple of weeks, delayed honeymoon,' Frank informed him, 'We'll call here when we get back and you can let us know how things stand, then.'

'I'll work on her,' Albie grinned, the first proper grin Alice had seen since they arrived.

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They stepped off the train at Carlisle after a long journey. Sydney to Singapore then Singapore to London, then the train to Carlisle, Cumberland. The Lake District. They had booked into a small hotel and Frank had arranged a hire car so they could tour the region. They had arrived in Autumn and the first thing Alice noticed was the glorious colours: greens, golds, russets, yellows and reds, it was truly, just as her granddad had said, the most beautiful place on earth. She loved her home country but this was something she had never seen and she felt a connection. Frank was equally impressed with the views, the reflections of the trees in the waters, he found the area relaxing and at the same time uplifting.

They crammed so much into the two weeks they had, sending postcards to their friends, and family back home, telling of the beauty of the land. Trying local produce, walking for miles and at the end of the day, revelling in each other's company. They found the local population welcoming and friendly, especially when they found out that Alice's grandfather was a local man.

All too soon it was over and they had to hand back the car and board the train back to London and then the interminable flights back home.

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Landing back at Sydney late one afternoon they took a taxi back to Albie and Mrs Harvey. Both were very tired and really only wanted to get some sleep. They had dozed on and off on the plane but not enough to make it count.

Albie opened the door to Alice's knock with a huge grin. He welcomed his sister with a hug even tighter than the last one,

'Welcome back, Sis,' he said, nodding at Frank, 'thanks for the postcard, it arrived yesterday.'

'Glad it got here before we did,' smiled Frank, barely stifling a yawn as he shook Albie's proffered hand.

'You must both be exhausted with all the travelling,' Albie noticed, 'I'll make some tea and a light meal, then if you want to head off to bed you can.'

'Oh, thank you, Albie,' Alice hugged her brother back, 'It's true, we're absolutely shattered! How's mother?'

'No different,' Albie replied with a shrug of his shoulders, 'but I have got her to agree we will come to you soon; once you're settled back at home.'

'Good, I'm glad,' Alice smiled, tiredly.

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Mrs Harvey's visit will be another chapter, otherwise this is going to be very, very long one to read all in one go!


	2. The way it is

Alice sighed, Jean had very kindly helped her prepare the house for her mother's visit, not that there was much to do, they didn't make much mess but Jean's previous role as a housekeeper meant that nothing was out of place.

The beds were properly made, but then they always were; there was not a speck of dust anywhere and there were fresh flowers in the living room.

'Alice,' Jean took her friend's hand, 'don't worry. This is your home and it should be as you want it. You are lucky not to have wooden toys spread over the floor and crayon on the walls.' This last was a reminder that Bobby had decided to try to decorate his room with his own pictures! Jean and Lucien had had to re-paper his bedroom, but they took Bobby with them to choose the paper!

'I know, Jean,' Alice had dropped her shoulders in resignation, 'but I don't want her to think I am incapable of running a home _and_ working.'

She had related the conversations she had had with her mother when she and Frank visited before they went on their belated honeymoon. Jean had sympathised with her friend, obviously she still needed her mother's approval, just like any newly married girl. She had come right out and told Alice she was being silly; she wasn't an eighteen year old bride but a grown woman, with a career and a mind of her own!

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Albie helped his mother alight from the car. Alice had been able to collect them from the station; Lucien had told her to go, even though there was an ongoing case. She had promised to be back as soon as possible, to which Lucien had said,

'Don't you dare.'

Mrs Harvey surveyed the exterior of the house. It was neat, well presented with a small garden at the front.

Alice went to the front door and unlocked it, ushering her visitors inside. Albie smiled at the interior, light, bright, modern; so different from their almost Victorian dark home where lights had to be lit to shed any brightness.

'Oh, this is lovely,' he said, 'so light.'

Mrs Harvey ran her finger over the hall table, expecting to find dust, there was none. She looked around the hall, living room and kitchen, all surprisingly spacious.

Alice showed her guests to their rooms and where the bathroom was, and left them to freshen up while she put the kettle on. She had decided to start as she meant to go on, in other words, this is how we live and you are welcome to join in. As she poured the water into the teapot Albie escorted their mother downstairs.

'Do you have everything you need?' Alice asked as they appeared in the kitchen.

'The rooms are lovely,' Albie spoke before mother could give her opinion, 'Thank you.'

'I'll bring tea into the living room,' Alice said, loading up the tray.

They sat in silence, Albie and Alice waiting for their mother to speak, but suddenly there was a knock at the door. Alice wasn't expecting anyone, even Jean had said she would keep away but neither had reckoned that Bobby would want to see Auntie Alice at that moment, and he would not be dissuaded!

'Excuse me,' Alice got up from her chair and went to answer the door. As she opened it, the whirlwind that was her godson blew in shouting,

'Auntie Allie, want story!' Alice swung him into her arms with a laugh.

'You do, do you?' She hugged him close, 'can't wait 'til bedtime?'

Bobby waved a book at her, it was a Beatrix Potter, one that she had bought him back from her holiday to England.

'I'm sorry, Alice,' Jean looked really embarrassed, 'but he wouldn't be turned.'

'It's alright,' Alice whispered, 'actually it's probably for the best.'

'That's what Lucien said.' she admitted with a smile.

Then louder as if it was completely normal, 'Jean, Bobby, come on in.'

She showed her visitors into the room and introduced Jean and Bobby, inviting Jean to join them for tea.

'I'm sorry, Alice,' Jean apologised, 'but you know, Bobby!'

'Well, if it will help him settle...' and Alice took the book and sat in a chair with the child on her lap.

Mrs Harvey's eyes widened, Alice so at home with a child, so at ease. She listened as her daughter read with expression and love in her voice. For Alice it was just how she had read to her brothers, but her mother had never heard her, leaving her to deal with the boys while she wallowed in self pity; how her husband had walked out on them, leaving her to raise four children on her own.

Bobby snuggled closer to Alice looking at the book and watching Alice's finger move under the words as she read.

'Alice is such a help with the children,' Jean told Mrs Harvey, 'Bobby absolutely adores her.'

'I thought your boys were grown up, Mrs Blake,' Mrs Harvey looked at the smartly dressed woman in front of her. Surely she was a little old to have a child as young as Bobby.

'My first family are,' Jean smiled, 'Bobby is my adopted son and I have a baby girl with my second husband Doctor Blake.' Jean had an expression that said, 'doesn't everybody have this', totally innocent. Alice grinned, she'd learnt that look from Lucien!

'Does everybody get married twice in Ballarat?' Mrs Harvey was sounding quite incredulous.

'No, we're just the lucky ones.' Jean smiled sweetly. Lucien had patients like her, the ones that had been mean about her relationship with the doctor both before and after she had married him. Jean was always at her most sweet and innocent with them.

'You must come over and have dinner with us one evening,' Jean offered, 'then you can meet my husband and our lodger.'

Alice was struggling to keep a straight face, now Jean had introduced the lodger as well!

'You have a lodger?' Mrs Harvey's eyebrows disappeared into her hairline.

'Just the one at the moment, we used to have two, but now it's only Charlie; Senior Sergeant Davies.' Jean was feeling particularly mischievous this evening.

'What happened to the other one?' The older woman was struggling to keep up with the lives of Alice's friends. Albie sat listening, he had read all this in one of Alice's recent letters and although he had read it to their mother she obviously had only taken in a small amount of the information. He grinned, he liked Mrs Blake and was glad she was his sister's friend.

'Oh, Mattie? She was the district nurse, she went to study in London.' Jean stood up, Bobby's story was over and he was ready to go home. 'Say thank you to Aunty Alice, Bobby,' she took her son's hand.

''Ank you,' he said and went to plant a sloppy kiss on Alice's cheek.

'Alice, we'll sort out a suitable date for dinner,' Jean kissed her friend's cheek as they went to the front door.

'You are so wicked Jean Blake,' Alice laughed. 'I told Albie all this in a letter, she obviously didn't listen. Who's looking after Jenny?'

'Lucien, he's finished the autopsy and filed the report so Frank should be home soon.' Jean left Alice with a huge grin on her face and went home, Bobby skipping alongside her.

Alice leant against the wall in the hall, giggling to herself, she couldn't wait to tell Frank, this visit was going to be fun!

She went back into the living room, her mother looked shocked at the information she was still trying to process.

'Sorry about that, Bobby has a will of his own, bless him.' Alice went to clear away the tea things.

'Perhaps his mother should be stronger with him.' Mrs Harvey said, tartly, 'though as he's adopted it could be something to do with where he comes from.'

'He's Jean's grandson, her son and his girlfriend couldn't look after him so Jean and Lucien offered him a home.'

'So he's a ba...'

'Mother!' Alice interrupted, 'it's not Bobby's fault he's illegitimate, and he's a lovely little chap, I'm proud to be his godmother.'

'What about the girl they have?'

'Jenny is Jean and Lucien's daughter,' Alice answered, 'she was a bit of a surprise but wanted nevertheless.' She swept out with the tray.

Albie followed his sister out to the kitchen, glaring at his mother,

'Sorry, Sis,' Alice liked that he had given her this soubriquet, 'I did read the letter but she doesn't always listen.' Albie apologised, 'I hope she didn't embarrass you.'

'Don't worry, Albie, Jean can more than hold her own and she's in a particularly wicked mood this evening, I noticed' Alice smiled at her brother's concern. 'Jean had to run the gauntlet of gossip in Ballarat before she married Lucien because she was his live in housekeeper and he a single man! I don't think mother needs to know Jean was his housekeeper though, do you? She'll probably think Lucien married beneath him. Lucien usually says it's the other was round.'

'No worries,' he took the tea towel and started to dry the dishes as she washed them.

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It was three days before cases and shifts gave them a break to organise dinner. Lucien had suggested Alice take time off, or work shorter hours while her mother was with her, which had earned him a withering look.

'She is here to see that I am capable of working and running the home,' Alice had said, 'and really, Lucien, we'll only argue if we're together for whole days at a time.'

'Well, if you're sure,' he'd give so much to have been able to spend this time with his mother as an adult but had to realise that not everyone has a loving relationship with their parents. He wasn't particularly close to his father, after all.

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Alice had given Albie the keys to her car and told him to use it to take mother into town, show her the Botanic Gardens, and, as it was warm one day she suggested a picnic by Lake Wendouree.

Alice and Frank, together cooked meals, which was usual for them, so her mother had little to complain about Alice's abilities in the kitchen. Albie offered to lend a hand sometimes, an offer that was accepted. Her mother, however did not.

'Does your mother ever step into the kitchen, Albie?' Frank asked out of curiosity one evening while they were washing up.

'Well, you know how she said Alice was always a disaster in the kitchen?' Albie said, Frank nodded, 'Guess where she got it from!'

The two of then burst out laughing, 'What a cheek!' Frank coughed, choking a little.

'We kids cooked after dad left, he taught us well, but it was really because we liked being with him more than mother.' Albie looked wistful as he remembered those happier times.

'Sorry, Albie, didn't mean to pry,' Frank apologised.

'No worries, it's a long time ago.' And he returned to the dishes.

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Mrs Harvey retired earlier than everyone else and Albie went to follow not much later; excusing himself, he said he would read in his room.

'Don't go on our behalf,' said Alice, 'stay and chat.'

Albie sat back down feeling that Alice wanted to know what really happened after she left. So he told them about the rows, how mother blamed everyone else but herself for her husband's departure and Alice leaving. Alice moved over to her brother, she hugged him tightly, tears forming in her eyes. Albie looked at her,

'Don't be sad or sorry, Alice, please,' he whispered, 'You have done so well, you would probably have murdered her if you'd stayed, you did the right thing. So did Davey and Joseph.'

'That's as maybe,' retorted Alice, 'you were left to hold the fort, and none of us helped you.' She felt guilty for having left Albie to cope, he was only twelve.

'Well, we're going to make up for that, aren't we? This time we will keep in touch properly.' He grinned and kissed her cheek, 'Now I am going up.' And he left her standing there, watching one of the best people she knew stroll out of the room, hands in his pockets and a spring in his step.

Frank pulled her back to the couch and held her tight.

'He's right, you know,' he said, looking at her seriously, 'from what I have seen, you'd have been hanged for murder, and that would have been a loss to the medical profession and me!'

Alice kissed him.

Tomorrow they were dining with the Blake's and she was looking forward to it. It was certainly going to be an eye opener for her mother!

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They pulled up outside Jean and Lucien's house. Mrs Harvey wasn't sure what she was expecting, she had noticed the polished brass plaque on the wall by the gate: 'Dr Lucien Blake, Physician and Surgeon,' it read; and she was surprised to find herself somewhat impressed. As usual she took note of the outside of the house, it was tidy, the garden was well kept and the hanging basket in the porch was in full bloom.

Lucien appeared at the door, beaming. He knew Alice's mother was looking for anything to disapprove of but he wasn't going to let that change the way he and Jean entertained their friends. Bobby was wriggling in papa's arms, he was ready for bed in clean pyjamas and was looking forward to Aunty Allie reading him a story. As they went to Lucien, Alice held out her arms to her godson,

'Hello, Bobby,' she grinned, 'ready for a bedtime story?'

Bobby gave her a sloppy kiss, his usual greeting, and she introduced her mother and brother to the doctor.

'Welcome, welcome,' Lucien cried, 'come on in. Jean's just seeing to Jenny then she'll be with us.' He ushered his guests into the house, took Mrs Harvey's coat and showed her into the living room.

'I'll put Bobby to bed, shall I, Lucien?' Alice offered, knowing that was the plan. It was usual, and that was what tonight was going to be, a normal night at the Blake's: children to settle, help offered and given in the kitchen, friends together, warm and happy.

'Thanks, Alice, I think that's what he's waiting for,' Lucien grinned while offering sherry to her mother and whisky to Albie and Frank.

Charlie appeared from the kitchen,

'Evening Dr Harvey, boss,' even he had got used to calling Alice by her Christian name, but he called her 'Dr Harvey' occasionally, just to keep her on her toes.

'Evening, Charlie,' she replied with a grin as she passed on the way to Bobby's bedroom.

'Whisky, Charlie?' Lucien offered.

'Thanks, doc,' Charlie accepted cheerfully.

'Mrs Harvey,' Lucien indicated the interloper, 'this is Senior Sergeant Davies, Charlie to his friends; he's our lodger.'

'Er, good evening, Sergeant,' Mrs Harvey said, nervously, Albie just raised his glass with a smile. This was going to be an interesting evening he thought.

'Doc,' Charlie said, 'Jean says could you finish laying the table, please?'

'Sure thing, Charlie,' Lucien nodded, he was enjoying himself immensely; he loved having a house full of friends and if he had the chance to tease someone, all the better. Jean said he was such a child sometimes!

They were eating in the kitchen, well, where else. Jean hated eating in the dining room after 'that dinner', and had suggested to Lucien they could turn that room into either a separate living room or a playroom for the children. Currently they couldn't decide, so Jean used it as a sewing room.

Jean and Alice appeared at the same time.

'Bobby's asleep,' Alice informed Jean and Jean informed Alice that Jenny was the same.

Lucien passed a sherry to each of the women and kissed, first his wife on the lips and second his colleague on the cheek. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Mrs Harvey raise an eyebrow.

'How're we doing, Charlie,' Jean asked.

'All on track, Jean,' he told her as they both went into the kitchen.

'Want anything doing?' Albie and Alice asked in unison.

'Always welcome a helping hand,' Jean called over her shoulder and she was joined by them both, grinning like Cheshire cats.

Alice's mother watched the scenes play out. She could not decide if this was for her benefit or was what usually happened, after all second marriages seemed to be the norm in this corner of Ballarat, so anything was possible.

Jean had laid on one of her full spreads. A roast, various vegetables, sauces, two desserts, nothing that Alice found out of the ordinary, just a lovely family dinner.

Albie felt completely at home, why, he didn't know, but it felt so homely. Their hosts were so welcoming, open and loving to each other, he revelled in the glow.

Mrs Harvey found it a bit overwhelming, though she managed not to show it. She was beginning to relax, but somehow she wouldn't let herself do so completely. This was not how she was brought up, and not how she had tried to bring up her children.

Alice watched her struggle with her emotions. She was aware that her mother didn't understand that times and people's views changed with the passage of time, but she wished she could unbend a little.

'Now then...' Lucien stood up to carve the roast,

'Lucien!' Alice and Jean cried together,

'Now I know where the bone saw went.' Alice continued, it wasn't unusual for him to have the instrument at home and she should have known.

'Oops!' Lucien laughed, as Jean passed him a more suitable carving knife.

'I hope that isn't a critique of my cooking, Dr Blake,' Jean used his title when she was (trying to be) cross.

'Never, my love, I wouldn't dare,' and he blew her a kiss across the table.

'Ignore him, Mrs Harvey,' Jean turned to their guest, smiling, 'he will have his little joke.' But she gave her husband a look that said, 'Anymore of that and you're sleeping on the couch.'

Alice could barely keep her face straight, Frank was trying desperately hard not to laugh, Charlie and Albie just gave up and laughed out loud.

Mrs Harvey gave a weak smile, this was a mad house!

'The trouble with the medical profession is that they tend to have a rather dark sense of humour,' Frank managed to say almost soberly.

'Really,' murmured Mrs Harvey, sarcastically.

Plates filled, everyone tucked in, approving noises and compliments to the chef flew to Jean and Charlie. Everyone knew Charlie cooked quite a lot and as usual he had helped Jean with the preparation.

'Now then, Mrs Harvey, tell us what Alice was like as a child,' Lucien smiled.

Alice choked on a piece of potato, Lucien slapped her between the shoulder blades and she managed to compose herself, swallowing a mouthful of wine. She looked at her 'friend' and colleague with horror at the suggestion.

'Alice was always a good student, if a little bit of a clever clogs, when she was young.' Mrs Harvey was less biting than either Alice or Albie expected. 'More at home with her books than her chores. Nosy little madam, always asking questions instead of learning how to be a good wife.'

Alice's knuckles were turning white as she gripped her knife. Frank put his hand over hers.

'I like an enquiring mind,' countered Lucien, 'we both hope our children have that curiosity, don't we Jean?'

'I should certainly like them both to make something of themselves, Bobby has already said he wants to mend people like papa.' Jean answered, remembering a particular conversation she had had with her son. 'Even though he is only two.'

Alice watched this play out, her friends defending her against her mother. A slight noise caught her attention and she excused herself.

Moving to the old studio the noise got louder, Jenny was raising the roof, Jean must have heard but...maybe she was giving Alice the opportunity to show her mother that she was more caring than she thought. In the room she picked up the screaming baby. Jean had said she was having a difficult time, teething. She put her little finger into Jenny's mouth and felt the hard gums bite down,

'Come on little one,' she cooed, 'let's go and find that nice cold teething ring, shall we?' She knew Jean kept a couple of teethers in the fridge so she took her into the kitchen. Jean looked up as she entered.

'I thought I heard her, thank you Alice,' Jean took a cold teething ring out of the fridge and handed it to her friend.

Jenny clamped her sore gums down on to the soothing cold, and the wailing started to subside.

Jean took her daughter off Alice and excused herself, going back into the bedroom to settle Jenny back down.

Mrs Harvey watched all this strange familiarity, how her daughter went to get her friend's baby without asking, then trying to soothe her with first her finger then the teething ring. Where had she learned all this? She always had Alice down as a cold, unfeeling girl, only interested in her own career. She conveniently forgot how Alice had practically raised her three younger brothers before she finally found the courage to follow her dreams and aspirations.

'Those teeth are nearly through, Lucien,' Alice remarked as she sat down to finish her meal.

'Good, she's really had a tough time with them, and Jean doesn't get much peace either.' Lucien replied, almost sadly.

'No, I don't expect she does,' Alice commented.

Jean returned as they were clearing away the plates and putting out the desserts.

'Settled?' asked Lucien, putting his arm over her shoulders.

'Yes, she should sleep through now,' replied Jean hopefully, turning her head to kiss the hand draped over her.

'Alice wasn't good when her teeth came through.' Mrs Harvey volunteered this fact, 'Her father used to rub whisky on her gums.'

'That's where she got the taste for it, is it?' joked Lucien. This remark unfortunately brought the wrong kind of expression to Mrs Harvey's face. Alice had not drunk whisky in her mother's presence so she was unaware that it was something Alice liked.

'Alice!'

'Yes, mother?' Alice replied, sweetly.

'You don't drink whisky?' Mrs Harvey was horrified, she allowed herself a glass of wine if, and only if she ate out.

'Nightcap,' Alice replied, and went on helping Jean serve the apple pie and the mixed fruit tart, 'would you like custard with your pie, mother?'

Mrs Harvey just nodded, too astonished to say anything.

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It was quite late when they left. Alice hugged Lucien and Jean and thanked them for a lovely evening. She had really enjoyed herself, and she knew her brother had too. As for her mother, well, only time would tell. Albie shook their hands and grinned in appreciation, Alice was so very lucky with the friends she had. Lucien took Mrs Harvey's hand and kissed it,

'Thank you for coming, Mrs Harvey, it's been delightful.' He smiled his most charming smile.

She couldn't help but be flattered, 'I'm glad to have met you,' she said, quietly.

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Frank held Alice close as they lay in bed, he knew tonight had been somewhat of a 'trial'. Well maybe not a trial, but she had worried about it.

'Are you ok, love?' he asked, softly.

'Yes,' she answered, 'yes I am.'

'You seemed thoughtful when we came back.' He kissed the top of her head.

'Oh, it's nothing,' she shrugged.

'Yes it is,' Frank tipped her head so he could look into her eyes.

'I..., well I wondered how you would feel if we had a child.' she hesitated.

'You're not?' He gasped.

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And this is where I divide, one chapter, she is, the other she isn't but would like to be. You will decide, both will be published.


	3. She is

**Version 1 of the last chapter of 'With you to hold my hand' Answer in the affirmative**.

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Alice looked up at her husband and smiled.

'You are!?' Frank was beside himself with excitement, he was going to be a father! 'What can I do? Do you need anything?' His questions came out in a rush.

'Frank, calm down,' Alice laughed at his joy, 'I'm fine.'

'But...' he breathed, 'a baby! Oh my word!'

Alice burst out laughing at his happiness, his uncertainty, his love.

'Frank,' she pulled him to her, 'I'm alright, it's perfectly natural, we are going to be parents.'

He gazed at this amazing woman, he never expected to be a father and was insanely happy. Of course it would be nice to have a son, or daughter, but it was just fine to be with Alice, the wonderful, strong, amazing...Oh there were too many adjectives to describe her! And now...

'When will it happen?' he couldn't wait to tell everyone.

'Another six months,' she smiled, 'but can we wait to tell people, please.'

'Why?' he wanted to announce it to the world, he was going to be a father!

'I just want to be sure everything will be all right.' She looked concerned, 'I'm what's called an elderly primigravida.'

He raised his eyebrows in question.

'An older first time mother.' She clarified. ' At least until it becomes obvious, please can we just keep it quiet?'

He looked disappointed and she felt sorry for him.

'Frank,' oh this was so hard, 'there is a chance, admittedly a small chance, that I could lose the baby, and I don't want the silence, the un-said sympathy. This is between us and Lucien. Even Jean doesn't know.'

Frank pulled her closer than he had ever thought possible. She was right, as always. He would have to make sure he didn't give it away with a casual remark.

'Alright, I suppose this also includes your mother?'

'Oh god, yes!' Alice was appalled that her mother should know, if she lost the baby her mother would blame her and she would have enough to cope with personally, without that.

'I love you and I want to have your baby,' she entreated, 'but I have to be realistic, I am rather old to be a first time mother.'

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Although Alice had seen Jean breeze through her pregnancy she was surprised to find she barely noticed that she was expecting, apart from her waistline growing, and a pathological dislike of white wine, which Lucien said was probably a good thing, at one of her check-ups. It was at one of these check-ups, normally held under the guise of a case discussion that Jean spoke to Alice.

'Alice, these cases you and Lucien are working on, how bad are they?' Jean was surprised that she had been kept out of them. She was Lucien's partner and usually called in to give her opinion.

Alice blushed.

'There not cases, are they?' Jean now looked worried, was her friend sick.

Alice knew she would have to come clean. 'Any chance of a cuppa?' she brightly inquired.

'Yes of course, I'll bring some through to the sitting room.'

Alice took a sip of her tea before she spoke. She couldn't let Jean go on thinking she was ill, it was unfair, and Jean, she knew, would be a help and support during the pregnancy and after the birth.

She smiled, 'Jean, it's alright, I'm not ill,' Alice touched her on the arm and Jean heaved a sigh of relief, 'I'm pregnant.'

Jean's jaw dropped, 'Pregnant!' She put her tea down, 'Oh Alice, that's wonderful! Isn't it?'

'It was a bit of a shock to be honest.' Alice admitted, 'but yes, we're both thrilled. Nobody else knows, though. There's always a chance I could miscarry, given my age.'

'But so far, she's absolutely fine,' Lucien's voice floated through, he'd found it particularly hard to keep this from Jean but did so out of respect for his colleague and friend.

'How did Frank take it?' Jean asked, even though Alice said they were both thrilled she was sure he'd have been shocked.

'He was like a child with a new toy,' Alice smiled at the memory, 'but disappointed I wanted it kept quiet. I think he wanted to shout it from the rooftops.'

'I bet he won't let you lift a finger at home.' Jean remembered Lucien being over protective when she was expecting Jenny until she told him off.

'Nope,' Alice grinned, 'although as mother is still with us we have to be careful she doesn't notice.' Mrs Harvey had remarked that Frank was very good around the house.

'You haven't told her?' Jean was surprised, 'I thought you would want her to know, after all it was all she ever wanted you to have, wasn't it? A home, husband and children.'

'Yes it was, but if anything happens she'll blame me for carrying on working,' Alice grimaced.

'You dwell on it too much,' Lucien came round to her, 'you are healthy, there is no reason why you shouldn't go the distance and deliver a healthy child. So, please, stop worrying!'

Alice looked down at her hands, she knew she was being silly, but she knew it was her only chance to be a mother and, even though she had never planned to marry, let alone have children, now she had managed one of those scenarios and was on her way to the other. It didn't help, she thought, that she didn't really feel any different than usual. A tear made its way slowly down her cheek.

'Alice,' Jean put her arm round he shoulders, 'what on earth's the matter?'

'I'm scared,' she admitted. She felt so foolish, crying like a child over the most natural thing in the world, but she hadn't even let Frank see how frightened she was of losing the baby.

'You will be fine,' Lucien took her hand in his, 'I won't let anything go wrong, why do you think I insist on seeing you every week? You shouldn't bottle up these feelings, Frank needs to know how you feel, and if that means telling your mother then so be it. If she gets sniffy about it I'll speak to her.'

'I'm sorry,' Alice sniffed, 'I'll try not to be so silly from now on, and you're right perhaps it would be easier if I told her.'

'Good,' Lucien stood up, 'now you can come and see me anytime you're worried, and I'd like you to cut down the hours you work. If you need to get out of the house, come over and see Jean and the children. That way you can get in some practice.'

'I don't want to be a bother,' Alice blew her nose and looked a Jean.

'You're never a bother, Bobby adores you and I enjoy the company.' Jean hugged her.

Lucien went to answer the phone while Jean reassured Alice.

'Dr Blake,' he announced, 'Oh hello Frank.' He paused as he listened to Frank ask him if Alice's appointment was over, he was on his way home and he would pick her up if she was still there. 'I think that would be a good idea, Alice has had a bit of a crisis of confidence. See you shortly.'

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Alice never, to Frank's certain knowledge, had a crisis of confidence, so he didn't waste any time getting over to the Blake's.

Lucien had heard the tyres on the gravel and was waiting by the open door to stop him charging in and frightening the life out of Alice.

'Stop right there, Superintendent,' he held up his hand.

'But...' Frank tried to get passed him.

'She's fine, Frank,' Lucien insisted, 'she had convinced herself that she's too old to have a child and is going to lose it. She isn't. She's perfectly healthy and the baby is growing as it should, but she has this idea in her head that she will miscarry. I've told her to cut down her hours, and if she wants to she can see me any time and come and spend time with Jean and the kids. I've also suggested she tell her mother, then if she is unwell, or emotional she doesn't need to hide it. If Mrs Harvey is, shall we say, unkind about her age and fitness, I will speak to her.'

Frank relaxed, heaving a sigh of relief, 'I had no idea she was so worried. She did say when she told me that she didn't want everybody to know because of the risk, but I didn't know it played on her mind so much.'

'Yes, well, we men are not party to the vagaries of women's thoughts, are we?' Lucien grinned, 'we are just lucky to share the planet with them and that they allow us to father their children.' He guided his friend into the house to see his wife.

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Alice's mother raised her eyebrows when she was informed she was going to be a grandmother, at last!

'Isn't it rather late in the day for you, dear,' she acidly remarked when told.

'Good things come to those who wait,' Frank got in before Alice could retaliate.

Alice headed upstairs to compose herself, she hadn't expected anything less, so she left Frank to speak to his mother-in-law.

Frank came to her soon after he had had his say, after what had happened at the Blake's he wasn't surprised to find his darling wife in tears.

'Don't get upset, sweetheart,' he wrapped his arms around her, 'she's going home tomorrow, just ignore her.'

'Honestly, Frank,' she sobbed, 'I can't do right for doing wrong.'

'Shh,' he soothed, 'everything's going to be fine.' He tipped her face to him and kissed her tenderly.

Alice stayed in their room for the evening, claiming a headache. Albie nervously went to see her after Frank came down with Alice's apologies. Tapping on the door he entered when she called.

'Alice?' he saw her lying on the bed, gripping her handkerchief. Sitting next to her he offered his congratulations and said he was looking forward to being an uncle.

Alice sat up, her eyes were red from crying, it was hard enough not to assume she was going to lose the baby without her mother reminding her she was rather old to have a child.

'Listen, Alice, whatever way we do things is the wrong way for mother' he said, holding her close, 'don't take any notice.'

'I know,' Alice smiled a small smile, 'it's just I worry so much I'm going to lose the baby. Lucien says I'm fine but...'

'So mother's caustic comment about your age didn't help?' Albie asked.

'Not in the least,' Alice tried to smile a bit more, 'but I've got Frank.'

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Mrs Harvey and Albie left the following day, Alice did not appear to say goodbye, Frank gave her apologies she had a case to deal with. This wasn't strictly true, she had gone to see Lucien and Jean. She had told Frank she couldn't face her mother, it was too stressful.

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Alice's pregnancy continued without concerns. Well, Lucien had no concerns apart from Alice's continues fear about losing the baby; but Alice continued to worry. In the end, when Alice was six months pregnant, Lucien sent her packing from the morgue.

'If you don't relax and stop worrying you will lose the baby,' he looked seriously at her. 'You are a healthy woman; yes, you are older than most first time mothers, but you are not making it any better for yourself. Your blood pressure has been raised these past few weeks, and that's because you are so tense. You're like an over wound watch.'

She had looked at him, tears filled her eyes, but she knew he was right, she had to take things easier.

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Lucien spoke to Jean about Alice, he was now deeply concerned about her well being. He hoped he could get her far enough on for the baby to be born and survive, but he was convinced it would be an early birth.

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Jean made Alice feel so completely at home she began to relax, slowly and surely. Alice spent time with Bobby, she read to him and played with him, she cuddled Jenny, changed her, and, because she was now being weaned, fed her.

The warm, relaxed atmosphere helped her understand that the only thing stopping her enjoying her pregnancy was her. She began to relish in the movement of new life inside her and dismiss the previous thoughts she had had about losing the baby. She began to think more about her brothers. She had made peace with Albie, written to Davey and now all she had to do was go to the Reform School to see Joseph.

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She entered the building, looking forward to seeing her youngest brother for the first time in so many years.

'Good morning,' the young girl at the front of the school asked with a smile, 'can I help you?'

'Yes, good morning,' Alice smiled in reply, 'I'd like to speak with Mr Harvey, please.'

'Can I tell him who's here?' the girl was pleasant and well mannered, Alice warmed to her.

'Yes, tell him it's Alice, his sister.' Alice sat in a comfortable chair while she waited.

A young man, with dark curls, barely tamed, entered the hallway. Joseph had a broad smile on his face, he had never forgotten his big sister, the way she read to him and tucked him in at night, and the reason she left. The same reason he left; to be something in the world.

'Hello Alice, ' he held out both arms to her, 'you're looking well.'

Alice laughed, taking his hands and drawing him into a sisterly embrace.

As they pulled together, her baby kicked at the reduced room and they both laughed.

Joseph took her into the staff room and mad her some tea. They had so much to catch up on.

'So, I suppose you're married.' Joseph remarked.

'That's an assumption, Joseph,' Alice smirked.

'Well, er...given your condition...' he stuttered, her large bump was surely the confirmation of marriage.

Alice laughed, 'Of course, I'm married, to the Superintendent of Police here, 'the baby's due in about four weeks.'

'Phew! For a moment I thought you'd...' he couldn't finish the idea out loud.

'Not for want of trying,' Alice grinned again, she loved teasing Joseph, always had.

They spent a happy hour talking about their lives, the past and agreed to keep in touch. Alice gave him an open invitation to visit whenever he wanted.

As she left she hugged him again and told him how proud she was of him.

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She pulled up at the traffic lights and waited until they turned green. Pulling away slowly she didn't notice the car speeding from the right, ignoring the stop sign it ploughed into the side of Alice's car.

'Oh no!' she thought as she passed out from shock and pain.

Ned had been on his way to a call when he saw the accident. He didn't recognised Dr Harvey's car as he stopped. He radioed for an ambulance and went to see if he could do anything. He gasped when he saw Alice, pale, unconscious and blood, where there shouldn't be any, between her legs.

He ran back to his car and radioed in again, 'Get here quick, it's Dr Harvey and she's bleeding and unconscious!'

Sirens blared, vehicles pulled to the side, as the rescue services raced to the scene. The ambulance had been followed by Dr Blake, alerted by the station after Ned's call.

Lucien looked into the car, he checked her pulse, thready but still there, the bleeding was his worry. He needed to get her to the hospital, his only thought was an emergency caesarean, if he was to save both mother and child.

The stretcher was wheeled speedily into to theatre and Lucien gowned up, nobody else was going to do this, he would take the blame if anything went wrong.

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Five hours later Lucien sent Alice out of theatre, her baby was safe in an incubator, small but loud. She would be the only child of the union, he'd had to remove her womb as well. Small price to pay, he hoped, for two lives.

As the patient was wheeled away he leant against the wall and slid slowly to the floor, tears rolling down his cheeks.

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Alice turned her head, she was warm, but empty. She moved her eyes down, her stomach was flat. Tears formed at the corner of her eyes, so she was right, she thought, she'd lost it.

She noticed a drip into her arm, blood, she must have lost a lot, she thought.

'Alice,' a soft voice, almost a whisper, 'hello, sweetheart.'

Frank, she couldn't look at him, she'd let him down, dreadfully.

'There's someone here who wants to meet you,' Frank continued, so soft.

She opened her eyes, Frank was holding something. That something waved a tiny hand out from the blanket it was wrapped in.

'Our little girl,' he murmured, 'she's here, she's safe and so are you.' Frank leant over her and kissed her forehead.

She turned to him, 'Really,' she breathed, was her baby alive?

'Uh uh,' Frank, smiled gently, 'Really.'

He passed the tiny bundle to her mother, nestled her in the crook of her arm,

'We need to give her a name.' he murmured.

'How..?' Alice still couldn't believe it, she was a mother, in spite of everything.

'Lucien,' Frank knew it was no good trying to fob her off with tales of 'luck', 'he did an emergency caesarean after the accident.' The rest could wait.

Alice looked down at the tiny scrap in her arms; Lucie-Jean, that was it, Lucie-Jean, how could it be anything else.

She smiled at her husband, and told him the name their daughter would bear and he smiled in agreement.

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It was a week before Alice was told she could not have any more children. Lucien had sat on the edge of the bed, holding her hands, and told her he'd had to remove her womb. He looked so sad, heartbroken almost, Alice thought.

'It's alright, Lucien,' Alice squeezed his hand, 'we knew this was our one chance to have a child. We are so lucky to have Lucie, that's enough.'

'I just wish I could have done more.' He took it as a professional slight that he hadn't been able to fix Alice, make her whole again.

'You did everything you could, ' Alice sighed, 'We both survived, that's a good result.' She smiled at him, he was such a generous soul, Jean was a lucky woman and she was lucky to have him as a friend.

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Frank took his wife and daughter home two weeks later. Lucien wanted her to stay another week but she was getting frustrated at being tied to a hospital room and the rules, so Lucien said she could go home, BUT she was not to exert herself. Fat chance he thought, but Alice was Alice and she would get through whatever life threw at her, because she always had.

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 **OK, I know how old the actress who plays Alice is, but I like to think Alice the character is perhaps just the wrong side of forty, I don't think she is older than Jean. Looking at photographs of my grandmother at the age of forty, now, she looks about ninety! So, let's just say looks are deceiving.**


	4. Maybe one day

**Version 2, in which Alice isn't pregnant. Based on the experiences of a family member.**

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'Goodness, no!' Alice cried, 'oh Frank, I didn't mean...!'

She looked at him in shock, she hadn't meant to imply that she was expecting, just wanted to know what he thought of the idea.

He smiled, 'I know. Let's face it, Alice, if it was going to happen it would have happened by now.' His smile widened to a grin, as he thought back to the risks they had taken since they had first become intimate. Both of them were adult enough to realise that not taking precautions could have had embarrassing consequences!

She sighed with relief, thank heavens he wasn't upset, it would have been awful if he was disappointed, but she's better make sure.

'You're not disappointed, then?' She asked.

'No,' he smiled again at her, 'are you?' He was also worried she was disappointed she hadn't conceived.

'I don't think I've ever really thought about it.' She admitted, 'but then I never thought I'd get married, either.' A smile played at the corner of her lips. 'No I...well sometimes when I look at Jean and the children, or when I'm with Bobby, I wonder if I'm missing out on something.' She leant up on her elbow and looked into his eyes. 'But then again, I don't know if I could give up my career to look after a child.'

'So, what do you want to do about it?' Frank wasn't sure what Alice wanted him to say, did she really want to try for a baby, or did she want him to say he was happy as they were; which he was; and not to consider it?

'As you said, if it was going to happen it would have already happened, so I suppose I'm not destined to be a mother. I'd probably be a rotten one anyway.' Her shoulders dropped. Frank knew then that, actually, Alice would like to have a baby, and, in his humble, but uninformed, opinion, she'd make an excellent mother.

'You'd be a wonderful mother,' he smiled. 'Perhaps we'd better try harder.' He pulled her down onto his chest, and felt her sigh.

'It won't happen now, Frank,' she whispered, 'I'm too old.'

'You're not old,' he kissed the top of her head, 'aren't you the same age as Jean?' Frank wasn't actually sure how old Jean was, but he would hazard a guess they were the about the same age. They seemed to understand each other like they were, anyway.

'Yes,' she answered.

'Well, she isn't too old, is she?' he noted.

'Oh Frank,' Alice was now on the verge of tears, 'we've not been careful up to now, so ...'

'Why don't you go and see Lucien tomorrow?' he suggested, 'he's your doctor, isn't he? Maybe he can help.' It was all he could offer, he had no idea why they hadn't been caught out, but then he hadn't had children with his first wife, so maybe it was him? He was intelligent enough to know it wasn't always the woman's fault.

'I don't know, it's a bit embarrassing.' She admitted it was alright for Lucien to treat her for any infections or illnesses she may have but...'women's problems?' he was a bit too close a colleague and friend for that.

'Honestly, Alice,' Frank sighed, 'he's a doctor and I'm sure he can put his personal connection to you to one side while he looks into it!'

'Probably, I'll think about it.' She cuddled down onto his chest not wanting to discuss it anymore, tonight. She wriggled against him, indicating she might like to 'try harder!'

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Over the next couple of weeks, Alice couldn't find the words or an appropriate time to ask Lucien if she could discuss why she hadn't conceived a child. Lucien, however, did notice there were times she looked as if she wanted to say something and then changed her mind. He also noticed she was distracted at work, he'd had to ask her to do things twice, which was very unlike her. She was always the one who was on top of things, anticipating his every move and pre-empting some of his decisions. No, she was definitely not concentrating.

They had finished an autopsy and taken the file to Frank and the rest of the men and as they walked out of the office Lucien turned to her, concern on his face,

'Alice,' he touched her arm and stopped her, 'is there something wrong? You seem very distracted at the moment. I haven't said anything have I? Is something wrong between you and Frank?'

She looked at him, when she had first met him he had been a bit pompous, a bit 'full of himself', but now, the longer she had worked with him and since marriage and fatherhood, he had mellowed, become a friend, a supportive friend and colleague, so, before she burst into tears, because he obviously cared enough to ask,

'Can we go and talk, somewhere we won't be overheard?' she asked, almost in a whisper.

'Of course, er, how about my surgery?' he suggested, 'Jean's out with the children, she's taken them to the park, so we'll not be interrupted.'

'Yes, alright,' if Jean had been there she might have suggested the only other place that was private, the morgue, but his surgery was perhaps the best place.

Lucien drove her up there, promising to take her back home or to the station whichever place she wanted to go afterwards.

Lucien suggested they have tea in while they talked, he felt it would help her relax about whatever it was that was bothering her.

In the surgery Lucien took his customary seat behind the desk, perhaps if he made it seem like a medical consultation it might be easier for her to open up.

'Now, Mrs Carlyle, what can I do for you?' he clasped his hands together on top of his prescription pad and looked at her, his blue eyes open and inviting her to tell all.

Alice smiled a small, almost sad smile, and took a deep breath,

'I was wondering why I hadn't become pregnant because, well, Frank and I have never taken any precautions.' There, it was out, and all in a rush, too!

'I see,' Lucien leant back in his chair and observed her, she was embarrassed, asking such a question of a friend. 'Well, you know there are many reasons for you not to fall pregnant, but first I need to know; do you want to have a baby?'

'I didn't want to get married, but that was a long time ago, and I did,' she paused, 'and now I am married, happily, I think I'd like to complete the family.' Alice watched Lucien mull things over in his mind, she'd said the 'thought' she'd like a child, not 'yes I do want a baby', and yet the former was closer to the truth.

'Actually, Dr Blake, I would like to be a mother, to have a child.' For Alice Carlyle, nee Harvey, to admit to having a maternal instinct would have astounded most people she knew and worked with her, but Lucien, Jean and Charlie knew how good she was with Bobby and how gentle and caring she could be with Jenny, so they, at least, would not have been surprised. 'But, let's be honest, I'm a bit, well, mature to start thinking about it, aren't I?'

Lucien got her notes out of the drawer and studied them, briefly, 'Not really,' he said, not commenting that she was actually six months younger than Jean. 'So, Alice,' he looked at her seriously, 'do you want me to arrange investigations or...'

'Just keep hoping?' She interrupted him.

'Well, that is one option, but if you really do want to start a family, is that really the best one?' He reasoned.

She sat thinking, puzzling over the options that she, as a doctor, knew. As she thought, there was a knock at the door.

'Damn!' spluttered Lucien, 'excuse me, I'll try and get rid of whoever it is, while you ponder your options.' He left her alone with her thoughts.

Opening the door he saw the Superintendant standing there, looking, he thought, rather apologetic.

'Frank,' Lucien was surprised to see him on the doorstep, if he was needed at the station Frank usually rang.

'Is Alice here?' Frank asked.

Lucien ushered him into the hall, 'She is, but...'

'I know why she's here, Lucien, I suggested she see you, but,' Frank looked embarrassed, 'I didn't have children with my first wife, so maybe it's me you should be checking.'

Lucien was surprised that Frank would be willing to take the responsibility here, most men blamed their wives if they failed to produce offspring, he was impressed.

'You'd better come through.' Lucien allowed him to precede him into the surgery, holding back far enough for his two friends to greet each other in private.

'Frank!' Alice was surprised to see her husband, how had he known where she was?

'When I saw you go out with the doc, I knew you were going to speak to him,' he bent down and kissed her cheek. 'Alice, I don't think it's you, I think it's more likely to be my fault.'

Alice stood up and put her arms round his neck, 'Why?'

'Because my first wife didn't conceive either, not once.' He put his arms on her waist, 'It makes more sense, to me anyway.'

They sat in the two chairs facing each other, holding hands. 'You'd do that for me?' She was amazed, although she knew the initial investigation would be a lot easier for him than it would for her.

'Why not? It's what we'd both like, isn't it, and it would be easier than putting you through God knows what.'

She leant towards him and kissed him, 'What have I done to deserve you?' she smiled.

Standing on the other side of the door, Lucien decided they'd had enough time to make a first decision, and he knocked before entering.

'Lucien,' Frank turned to him, 'I'd like you to focus your investigations on me first, rather than Alice.'

'Are you sure?' Lucien asked.

'Yes,' Frank was emphatic, he was sure he was the reason they were childless and he would rather Lucien confirmed it than put Alice through a barrage of unpleasant tests. He was sure they would be unpleasant because his was the easier one, that he DID know.

'Very well, if that's what you want, come and see me tomorrow, Frank,' he shook his hand, hoping he could come up with a logical reason for his friend's dilemma, without upsetting either of them.

Frank and Alice left, but not without asking Lucien to keep it completely confidential, in other words, don't tell Jean.

'Never, patient confidentiality.' He smiled.

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They all went back to the station, Alice went to the morgue to tidy up and Lucien and Frank headed for the station office to discuss the case. Before they actually entered the office, Lucien held Frank back.

'You know what I need tomorrow?' he quietly asked his colleague.

'Yes,' Frank answered, quite honestly.

Lucien handed him an envelope, a slightly bulky envelope, 'Well, you'll need this, the fresher, the better.'

Frank grimaced and nodded.

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A week later, Alice was late for work. This was unheard of, and Lucien started on the autopsy without her, there was probably a good reason, given what he was looking into for his two friends. A knock at the door, and Frank popped his head round.

'Lucien,' he whispered. Frank always whispered in the morgue, it seemed somehow more respectful.

'Be right there,' he put the organ he had just removed into the scales, 'Morning, Frank, Alice is late, is she ok?'

'Err...' Frank looked sheepish, 'Alice'll be a bit late, she's not feeling too good.'

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 **An open ending? Well I've been thinking, people looked older then than we expect them to look now, if you get my drift; I reckon Alice is younger than we think, regardless of the actress' age!**


End file.
